Did you know that dating can be difficult for men too?
Yes, it is easier to believe that women need more support. It is easier for them to suffer more disappointments and pitfalls. And that is also true for men.
Their challenges may be a little different in the way they present themselves. Here we’ve included some helpful tips on how and when to get help.
Ask for help
It can be difficult for men to ask for help. Asking for help is associated with incompetence, and also an element of shame. “Why is everyone else having a great relationship, am I the only one who doesn’t get it right?” Whatever your track record is with women, know that there are people who can help get you aligned or possibly even find the right person for you.
Having an impartial outsider’s view on your love life can be invaluable, as they may point out things that may not be obvious to you.
Reflect on the feedback you received from ex-partners or friends. Remember, every feedback contains 5% truth. And every feedback offers us the opportunity to improve, to become a better version of ourselves. There is nothing to lose from this sort of endeavour.
Heal from your ex
Ex baggage is something no partner relishes when moving into a new relationship with someone. You may think it is straightforward to bury any mistakes that were done, that you’ve learned already… But is that the case? It can be easy to think you’ve buried any mistakes that either of you made, or that you’ve learned what not to do next time – but have you?
Hoping for the best isn’t a good enough plan. If you choose not to use a coach or a therapist to do this, then speak with friends, read a book, attend seminars – anything. Just make an effort to be a better, stronger or more focused version of yourself the next time around.
We’ve repeated this time and time again: setting goals helps when you’re dating! You and your new girlfriend can see where you both stand. It really helps when assessing compatibility, and you realize when you’re going a little off the path.
Does this sound like work? It doesn’t have to be. You can add some fun things you want to achieve as a couple, too. Having focus and clarity in your love life is very useful. Most divorced people I meet in my matchmaking practice, never had any clarity on how they wanted the relationship with their partner to evolve. Having clarity and short-, mid-, and long-term goals can stop you and your partner from “growing apart”.
Set high standards for communication
Everybody thinks they’re a great communicator. If that were the case, then there would be no miscommunications. But – most problems arise because of, you guessed it, communication. Don’t fall victim to thinking that either you’re a great communicator (and it’s just the others who simply can’t or won’t understand you), or that you’re a lousy communicator and things cannot be helped. When there are things you want to communicate that matter to you, try your best at communicating clearly. From day one, you should attempt setting the bar high, by being clear about your needs and honest (yet appreciative) in your opinions and way of looking at the world.
If you’re looking for a life partner, why wouldn’t you want someone who loves you for who you are?
Also, become a great listener. Practice active listening. Listen to understand, not to answer. People enjoy being with someone who lets them know where they stand, and who also makes them feel heard and understood. Be that person and expect nothing less in return.
Reassess your friendships
Did your ex detest your friends, are they always an issue with the women you date? Or, perhaps it’s your friends who still take issue with the women you choose, with you being happy, or having less time to spend with them?
It’s crucial to pay attention to the reaction of friends, both when you’re happy and when you’re not. Watch how they communicate with you and whether they encourage and support your love life. If they help you to feel positive, then they’re definite keepers. If not, double-check where you all are in your lives and whether particular people still fit with the life you want to be living.
If you want to find a date that is already pre-screened, you can reach out to Luxdates.
If there’s anybody out there interested in sharing their story about how they met and how they keep their relationship alive, I would love to hear from you. Feel free to contact me at Claudia@luxdates.lu. Explore Luxdates membership page here.