First Language: Words of Affirmation

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The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

If you have ever felt your partner doesn’t love you, then it may be because they don’t have the same love languages as you do.

According to Gary Chapman, there are Five Love Languages or ways that people express their love.

For the next couple of weeks, we will introduce each Love Language in detail. 

If you haven’t yet discovered your love language, we’d like to invite you to take this free quiz. (

Today, we introduce the first language, “Words of Affirmation”, take a look at some examples, and give you a couple of date night games or activities to help you strengthen this language!

If your primary love language is Words of Affirmation, then your partner’s appreciation and love are best affirmed to you through words. You feel love when your partner tells you how attractive you look or when they say how proud of you they are after you accomplish something. 

On the flip-side, people who feel appreciation through words, are susceptible to criticism, even if it’s constructive. Even not hearing the much-needed words of affirmation every day may leave them feeling vulnerable.

Words of Affirmation Explained

If your partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, you should regularly tell them how much you care.

The whole “they should know how much I love them, so I shouldn’t have to say it” approach is counter-productive. If your partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, they need to hear it from you consistently.

One of the most critical aspects of Words of Affirmation is being genuine with those words. People whose primary language is Words of Affirmation care most about the intentions and emotions behind the words they hear. If you are saying things just to oblige, your partner will be sensitive to that.

You don’t need to be overly dramatic (think Romeo, professing your love from the street below) when expressing your appreciation for your partner. Be you. Be real. And if you’re not the best at expressing those emotions through words, now may be the best time to practice, especially if your partner has Words of Affirmation as their primary love language.

The Love Language “Words of Affirmation” is similar to Drs John & Julie Gottman’s idea of expressing “Fondness and Admiration” in their Sound Relationship House Model.

Examples of Words of Affirmation

“I just want to let you know how proud of you I am.”

“You work really hard for us, and even when things may feel tough, I just want you to know how appreciative I am.”

“I feel so lucky to have you.”

“I am here if you need me, and I want to help support you in any way I can.”

“You’re doing such a great job. I’m very proud of you.”

“Wow! You look so good! I love the new outfit. It looks great on you!”

Words of Affirmation: Date Night Challenge

Taking ten small pieces of paper each, write the beginning words for different affirmation statements on them. Fold them and put them into a bowl. Here are some examples:

I feel LOVED when you…

I APPRECIATE when you…

I am PROUD of you when you…

The best way to create these beginnings is to start with “I feel [emotion] when you….” Don’t write the answers, just the beginnings. We’ve used a few popular ones as examples above, but don’t be afraid to get a little goofy with your choices (“I feel bubbly when you…” or “I think it’s sexy when you…”) Once you have them written out, place all of them into a cup.

Take turns pulling the folded papers out of the bowl. Read the beginning and then finish the sentence on your own. Start to talk about all those things you love about each other, and create some quality time together!

Stay tuned for our subsequent instalments on the Five Love Languages and how they can improve your relationship.

If you want to meet new people with our exclusive, personalised, and discreet approach, please contact me at Discover Luxdates’ membership page HERE.


Claudia Neumeister

Claudia Neumeister has 20 years of experience as a headhunter for international corporations. As someone who loves connecting people (and who has created successful marriages in her private network), she has decided to apply her skills to creating long-lasting personal relationships at Luxdates

All stories by: Claudia Neumeister

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