Relationships in Progress Podcast
Ingrid Sthare, Founder and Relationship Coach of Relationship Coaching & Coupling, is on a quest to find the right life partner. To help with her search, she harnesses the knowledge of experts in the industry. She documents her quest in her podcast, and her first guest was Claudia Neumeister, M.A., Founder and Chief Matchmaker of Luxdates.
Watch the complete video below if you are intrigued with discussions about the pros and cons of powerful men (and where to find them), relationships, coaching, and the benefits of having somebody else in your life if you’re single.
You can also listen to the podcast here.
Ingrid: How is the matchmaking business doing right now? I can imagine that there’s a lot of people like me and we’re ready to find somebody.
Claudia: Exactly! We, in Europe, we were a little bit further ahead with you than you guys in the U.S. with the lockdown so our lockdown started in mid-march and ended actually I forgot when it ended but let’s say mid-May. As people were coming out of the lockdown, we, matchmaker colleagues and and myself, saw a real increase in demand because people during the lockdown really had time to focus on the relationship they were in and possibly end it or if people were single, they realized that that there was somebody missing in their lives so we’re probably one of the few industries that are really strong right now.
Surge in Both Marriages and Divorce
Ingrid: I was in New York when 9-11 happened and after 9-11, there was a surge in marriages and there was also a surge in divorce and so I think when the recession happened, so these different things are happening when the recession happened, not so much in terms of marriages or divorces. You know you kind of hung on to what you had or you know that kind of thing but now think that there is definitely a resurgence in the interest of relationships in terms of relationship education which is what I do in terms of matchmaking.
When we talked you gave me some really good advice. My background is I’ve been doing matchmaking and relationship coaching for 20 years. When we talked you gave me some really good advice which helped me know first of all that I’m coachable which is really important when you’re working with the matchmaker. How many people we get that they come in with the list of people and their very hard lines.
I’ll remind you that you told me that maybe what I’m looking for isn’t really what I should be looking for. I know you worked with Amazon and CEOs and helping head hunters as well find good matches professionally with business. Tell me your experience with working with C-suite people and matchmaking.
Claudia: So it’s interesting. As I was preparing for for the show today, I had this comment in my head that you had made about c-suite men being so attractive and it’s something I hear a lot from high-powered women who have made their own careers and they are looking for somebody equal in status. They are looking for c-suite men.
Powerful Men: Drive, Energy, Focus, Self-Awareness
When we look at this, we need to ask ourselves what are the characteristics that I’m really after and I think when we as women talk about wanting to be with powerful men, we think about the drive, energy, focus and self-awareness, etc. that they had to to get to this position. Of course in many cases it’s true but my background is also organizational psychology.
There can be correlation between narcissistic traits and people being in powerful positions. So when a woman wants to be with a c-suite men, I, of course, ask her what are the traits that that you’re looking for and she starts listing all these traits that just mentioned.
Then what we have to bear in mind is that in order to get to the top in a large corporation, it also takes a lot walking over dead bodies, pushing people in front of the bus, not giving a damn about how other people feel so there’s a lot egocentric behavior that gets rewarded in the corporate world. If we look at those traits, these are not necessarily desirable in a future mate. So hence, my remark: is that really what you’re looking for?
Ingrid: Do you see your company kind of merging like I have: one thing for singles and then I have the matchmaking and then I have the release: you can graduate and go through these different processes and work with the same person over time. What’s great about that is you get to know your clients over time. They get to know you over time and you’re building a relationship on trust. Is that how you’re visioning your programs as well over there across the the pond?
Claudia: Absolutely! I think it’s something evolutionary with starting out as a matchmaker and then seeing there are all these great singles but they need a little bit of help. They need to be tweaked a little bit so singles coaching is important, and of course, couple’s coaching. There’s so many different phases in a couple’s relationship and if the couple gets a little bit of a gentle push right from the start, it sets them off to a better future.
Coaching people doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them.
There’s nothing wrong with them, but we want to take what’s there and make it better.
Ingrid: Sometimes people forget why we are in this love business and these relationship businesses because being single has become less stigmatized in our society now. We know from the longest running study at Harvard, that close relationships are the number one factor as to people reaching longer healthier, better, happier, wealthier lives. What are some benefits that you have seen people experience or things that you have learned that helped people want to do this again because we work with people at all different level – younger people who haven’t had a lot of long-term relationships but some people are just tired. They’ve forgotten. You know it’s easier for me to just be single. They’ve forgotten what are some of the benefits to having somebody else in their life so let’s remind them of that.
Claudia: One thing that a lot of my clients say to me is that they want to share. For me the number one thing is to discover yourself through somebody’s eyes and having that person in your life who grounds you and who has your back. Who also allows you to grow because by living with the person, being in a relationship, we constantly hit borders and we need to ask ourselves some deep and sometimes hard questions..
Sharing Life as the Relationship Grows
So a relationship allows us as individuals to grow and do it together with another person and we can just share life. We can for instance appreciate beauty together, everyday occasions, such as admiring a bird in flight. This is so important – the communication part is.
Ingrid: I like that the idea of you sharing those memories together. Watch life happen and having somebody else. You also share experiences which is also nice. I mean there’s so many benefits as far as relationships are concerned that I think it’s important to remind people that people who are in long-term relationships do tend to live longer healthier, wealthier lives.
Claudia: Definitely, it’s worth it with the right person but if somebody is in a toxic relationship and that’s something also I see and they’re hanging on to that person who is just awful. So if somebody is in a toxic relationship and if anybody’s listening out there in a toxic relationship, get out!
Ingrid: Absolutely! It’s the worst thing you can do for your kids, by the way, because what your kids are seeing is that you tolerate nonsense and what you’re seeing is that it’s more important to stay in something that’s not working and not go get help than it is for you to be happy. If you can model happiness for your children and self-love for your children, it is the most important value that you can you can you can give them i think
Claudia: And I think the greatest contribution to society.
Both Claudia and Ingrid have a shared vision of the future. Get in touch with Ingrid Sthare through her website. Reach out to Claudia, who is based in Luxembourg, if you want to meet new people with an exclusive, personalized, and private approach. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Discover Luxdates’ membership page here.