Luxdates First Date Kit
Who Calls First After A Date?
Another topic which causes a lot of anxiety is who calls/texts/whatever first after a date.
Again, a lot of what men and women think is a good thing to do/not do is based on assumptions.
There is a myth floating around about the “Three Day Rule”.
For men it works like this: don’t call/text before 3 days after the date, so you don’t seem desperate, and the woman “wants” you more.
For women it works like this: don’t call/text before 3 days after the date so you seem mysterious and the man feels he has to chase you (following another myth, that men are hunters). Make him work for it!
I have read a lot of scientific literature on dating, love, and relationships and guess what – nowhere could I find a 3-day-rule. Which essentially means that it doesn’t exist (like most other “rules”) and is one of those urban myths that come out of nowhere and yet we believe it to be gospel.
So forget about the 3-day-rule.
Any of those rules are simply mind games.
And the wicked twist of that mind game is that whoever calls/texts first, LOSES!
That’s right: whoever calls first, loses. Because he (or she) has shown a vulnerable side, and communicated that they would like to see the other person again.
Seriously, are we wondering why relationships are dysfunctional if they start out like this?
Brene Brown said: “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
What vulnerability is and why it’s good for us. In her new book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
“Courage” is a heart word.
The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds.
But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad.
Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.”
So what should I do?
Have the courage to be vulnerable!
To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.
The first thing is, don’t play mind games.
If you like someone – man or woman – say something like: “Hey, I really enjoyed this date and would like to see you again”.
That is COURAGE!
If you don’t like someone – man or woman – say something like: “You know, it was nice seeing you, but I don’t think we will be lovers”.